I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
