I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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