yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize