I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
