My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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