no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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