I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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