i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
