remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
