dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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