You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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