I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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