The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
