I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
