From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
