dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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