I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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