my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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