What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
