Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
