I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
