At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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