umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
