If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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