Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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