im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
