remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
