So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
