After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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