Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
