I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
