Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
