What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
