I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Non-Jews are for practice
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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