Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
