I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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