Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
