the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
