Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
