i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
