I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
