I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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