Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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