if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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