first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This baby is an asshole
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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