Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
