Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
