I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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