I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
