apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
