What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
sex in a hospital.. check
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
